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Living
Boldly® e-Zine Archives
When you
feel helpless to help
September 02,
2005
Five days ago, the Gulf coast of the United States was hit
by a force 4/5 hurricane. By now, you've seen the news reports, 24x7, of how
bad things are in that region - the better part of Louisiana and Mississippi, a
significant part of Alabama and the tip of Florida have been utterly
decimated.
Now, I am usually someone who can look at a highly
publicized situation like this and think "it's mostly media hype". But this is
one of those times when I believe the media is only able to capture a small
part of just how devestated this region is. I believe this to be the worst
humanitarian and environmental crisis in U.S. memory, the vastness of which is
only now truly dawning upon our country's leaders.
This is not a movie.
It's not media hype. It's really happening, right this moment, right here in
America.
Imagine losing everything you own in one day. No home. No job.
No food, clothing, toys, memories. Life as you knew it, all gone, with the wind
and water.
Imagine being trapped in your home with flood waters rising
and having to chop and claw your way out of a hole in the roof, then sitting
there for days waiting for someone to come -- but days pass and no one comes,
and you are running out of food and water.
Imagine, in order to save
yourself, having to slowly trudge through a cess-pool of sewage, oil film, and
human and animal remains, where there may be poisonous snakes or alligators or
dangerous debris, carrying your few possessions in a garbage bag.
Imagine then having to sit in a filthy overcrowded shelter or on a highway
overpass, with no sanitation, and almost no food or water for the better part
of a week, with little or no access to information or direction from
authorities because the authorities are overwhelmed, too.
Imagine being
a doctor or a nurse who is charged with trying to save lives and care for
patients, and having to watch your patients die because you do not have power,
food, water or the right equipment to keep them alive, and at the same time
knowing there are violent criminals in your building who are looting and
shooting at you as you try to evacuate your patients.
Imagine being a
mother, a father, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, and the heartbreak of
watching your little child or baby waste away and die in your arms because they
have become dehydrated. Or having a family member die because they ran out of
the insulin or other medicines they need to stay alive. Imagine having to
simply cover a body or wade past one in the water, because there is no where to
take the dead for a proper burial and the people in charge have all they can
handle trying to rescue the living.
Imagine the lasting trauma of
simply BEING in that place at this time, seeing what you're seeing -- looting,
carjackings, rape, starvation and death -- not to mention having no home or job
to go back to and not knowing where you will go and what you will do next, or
where the rest of your friends and family are and if they are safe, and having
to carry those memories with you the rest of your life.
I know that
the local authorities and the rescue teams are truly doing the best they can
with what they have to work with, and the heroism of these rescues by air, boat
and land are the one bright spot in this terrible story unfolding before our
eyes. But it's no where NEAR enough. I can only assume the government and FEMA
tried to prepare for the aftermath of this storm on the scale of what they
might do for a smaller hurricane, because it is taking far too long to get
people evacuated out of New Orleans and to get supplies down to the other
cities and rural areas that have been virtually leveled.
So, like most
of you, here I sit in my comfortable house, with clean drinking water, all the
food I need, a flushing toilet, a shower and air conditioning -- and feeling
completely overwhelmed and helpless. It's exactly like I felt in the early days
after September 11th, just three years ago - watching something unfold in front
of me on a TV screen and knowing there is a limit to how I can be of any
tangible assistance.
The problem with a catastrophic situation is that
it does engender a feeling of helplessness or even hopelessness, especially in
the short term, whether you are a victim of the event or merely a distant
bystander. When things look bleak, it's difficult to imagine that a day might
come when life will look good again, when things will feel normal and we can
feel happy. Over the past days I have heard an official in Mississippi say
"This is our tsunami" (and I don't think he was exaggerating), and yesterday
heard a Fox reporter who is based near the Superdome in New Orleans say that he
literally could NOT imagine the city coming back from all that is happening
there. It's hard to stay positive when you can hear the despair and see the
chaos and horror.
But history shows us that, sooner or later, these
communities WILL rebuild. It will probably take years, but it will happen. It's
the spirit and resiliency of people in general, and Americans in particular,
that will create the motivation to rebuild. San Francisco was rebuilt after the
1906 earthquake,
and Chicago rose like a phoenix from the ashes of the
Great Chicago Fire in 1871.
As the observers, what can
we do to deal with the stress of watching something, but knowing there is
little we can do about it? In addition to some suggestions (below) of tangible
ways to help, there are other things we can focus on to keep a positive outlook
and not allow the helplessness to turn into despair:
-- Being
grateful. I catch myself having a renewed appreciation for the basic
necessities in my life - like a flushing toilet and a cold beverage. Every day
for the next month, write down 10 things you are grateful for. Watching the
news, you should have no trouble coming up with at least 10 things every single
day (and it's OK to list the same ones daily).
-- Exercise and eat healthy.
Stress is very hard on our bodies - even the stress of watching continuous news
footage of world events. Taking care of your body will reduce the physical
impact of the stress.
-- Turn OFF the news. Limit your news viewing to an
hour a day, if you are finding the news too traumatic. With the 24x7
availability of cable news, it's all too easy to become obsessed with watching
the footage. It's OK to let yourself watch other programming for a few laughs
or entertainment, or go read a book or chat with a friend on the phone instead
of watching TV.
-- Sleeping. I've been finding my sleep patterns have been
disrupted and when I do wake up in the middle of the night, I have a hard time
falling asleep again because my mind immediately starts thinking about the
people and what they are suffering. But this isn't doing those people - or me -
any good. If your sleep patterns are off because you're thinking too much, here
are a few healthy options: read for a while, watch an old movie (nothing too
exciting), listen to some relaxing music, or practice some deep breathing to
calm your mind and body.
-- Write or draw to give an outlet to your
emotions. Journal your feelings. If you've got children, and they seem upset by
what they've seen on TV (or in person), encourage them to draw pictures to
express what they feel. We all need an outlet for what we feel, and stifling
our emotions isn't going to help.
-- Cry. It's OK to cry for our fellow
citizens. If what you are witnessing is simply too much to bear, let it out so
that you CAN move on. Crying is a necessary response to stress, anxiety and
trauma - not a sign of weakness.
And lastly, allow yourself to believe
that in the end, good things will prevail overall. Yes, this is a terrible,
terrible situation and not everyone will have a good outcome or will survive.
We, in America, are not used to seeing human suffering on this magnitude happen
in our own back yard, and it's beyond our comprehension that maybe our
government can't fix everything for us immediately, which has become our
expectation.
For now, all we can do is our best, to take care of
ourselves and our loved ones, to be grateful for whatever we DO have, and to
contribute whatever we feel we are able to the relief efforts.
My
thoughts and prayers go out to the people of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama
and south Florida who have had their lives changed forever by Katrina, and to
the thousands of men and women who are actively participating in the rescue and
relief efforts - you are our heroes and we thank you.
In a crisis, 4-Star
Living is not about grand gestures and the luxuries in life: it's about
focusing our energies on doing things that are productive and can make even a
small difference in the situation - as opposed to worrying about the past and
what should have been done but wasn't. The more time we spend feeling
victimized and negative, the worse we'll feel and nothing will get
accomplished.
If you are someone personally impacted by the hurricane
and aftermath - I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that I know what
you're feeling right now. Whether you've lost your home, a loved one, or your
livelihood, your pain is your pain and you are entitled to whatever you feel.
The important thing is to find healthy ways to deal with your grief, anger, and
sadness so that you can move through them and begin to rebuild your life. I
believe you are strong enough to get through this, a little bit at a time, and
one day, not long from now, life will begin to look good again. For now, take
comfort in the things that matter and in the small pleasures: the love and
support of friends - and strangers, watching a child play or smile, laughing at
a joke, and of course, surviving.
In the meantime, what can we, the
bystanders, do to cope with our feelings of overwhelm and helplessness?
-- The first thing we can do is dig deep into our pockets and donate
funds. While you may want to donate clothing and other household items or send
a case of water, the truth is that the Red Cross and Salvation Army need our
CASH right now more than anything else, both for the immediate needs of these
people as well as their long-term needs (some may be in refugee centers for
months). So unless you are with a major corporation able to donate food,
clothing or supplies in massive quantities, the cash is what's needed, and no
amount is too small to be appreciated. Here's where to send it - take your
pick:
Red Cross: 1-800-HELP-NOW or
www.RedCross.org
Salvation Army: 1-800-SAL-ARMY or
www.1800SalArmy.org
-- Another thing we can do, each according to our means or expertise, is
to look for ways to potentially volunteer our time, energy or resources on a
practical level. If you have medical training or are a licensed therapist,
consider contacting the Red Cross to volunteer even a few days of your time in
the refugee zone. If you are an executive in a large company, what corporate
resources could you offer to make available - like buses or your corporate jet
to move refugees to a safer area. If you are a builder and can donate time or
supplies to the rebuilding efforts, do it.
If you live within a few
hundred miles of the hurricane zone, I understand many people are offering a
spare room for refugees to use for free or for very cheap rent (one example I
heard of was a woman renting her spare room to two displaced sisters for $1 a
day, and getting donations from her community to pay for the cost of having
these houseguests for several months). Check out
CraigsList.com to place a
listing or find a listing under "Katrina Relief", in partnership with
MoveOn.org.
-- Conduct
fund-raising activities in your community on behalf of the Red Cross or
Salvation Army, and let the kids get involved by participating or even donating
a part of their allowance money to the relief efforts.
-- Continue to
pray and send healing thoughts, in your own way, to all the victims, their
families, and the exhausted rescue teams -- they have a long, arduous road
ahead of them and that kind of prayerful, positive energy does help!
For permission to reprint this article, please contact me.
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