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Living
Boldly® e-Zine Archives
Are you
living a "Latte Lifestyle" - or a LIFE?
May
09, 2004
I consider myself very fortunate that I am living in a
part of the world where many people in my community enjoy a high standard of
living and are often very financially affluent. Everywhere I look, there are
luxury cars, gourmet supermarkets, upscale shopping centers offering the latest
in designer clothing, and of course, plenty of places to stop in and grab a
quick latte or cappuccino. It's all too easy to fall into a trap of thinking
that this lifestyle is important to one's happiness -- that THIS is what we
mean when we say we want a better "quality of life". Which recently got me
thinking...
How many of
us are living a "latte lifestyle", versus really living a LIFE?
On a monthly basis, we'll spend literally hundreds of dollars on mocha lattes,
lunches out, magazines we don't read, premium cable and satellite TV, stuff for
our kids that we know darn well they don't need, and dozens of other "do-dads"
that add up financially and might make us feel good for about 10 minutes, but
don't provide any lasting value or positive impact on our lives. Then there are
the luxury cars, vacations, and homes we consider a mark of our "success". We
tell ourselves we "need" all those things, that it's all part of our "life
quality", so we focus a large part of our energy on acquiring those things,
whether or not we can actually AFFORD them.
Now, don't get me wrong, I
love money and the things it can bring us -- I enjoy a great cup of gourmet
coffee as much as the next person, and I have my own little "material girl"
moments from time to time. There's nothing wrong with having the little
luxuries in life if you can comfortably afford them, if you enjoy the work you
do to provide them for yourself and your family, if you don't have to go into
credit card debt to get them, and if everything in your life feels like it's
"in flow" -- but if other things in your life aren't working well and you're
unhappy about it, no amount of the "latte lifestyle" will make it better.
At the end of your life, do you really think you'll say "Gee, I wish I'd
bought another $4 cup of coffee to sip while I waited 2 hours at the BMW
dealership to spend $800 to get the car serviced, before going back to a job I
can't stand, so I can pay a mortgage on a big house I really can't afford
anyway"?
And it's not just how we spend our money -- we put our time
and energy into things that aren't getting us anywhere. We overcommit ourselves
to things we really don't want to do. We scatter our energies. We spread
ourselves too thin. And we allow ourselves to be distracted from our true
purpose by other people, things, and situations that aren't in alignment with
what we say we want. We know what our priorities and values are -- but we're
not living up to them!
Then, when provided with an opportunity to change
what isn't working, to invest in OURSELVES in a way that will help us do more,
have more and BE more of who we want to be -- how many of us are willing to
make that kind of investment?
It's as if we think we are not as
important as the other people and things in our lives, so we settle for trying
to pursue our goals and dreams the HARD way. And we're likely to spend more
money on our CARS than on investing in developing ourselves, inside and out.
Ask yourself: aren't you worth
more than your CAR? Don't you have a right to success and happiness?
Aren't you worth more than the money you may be spending on lattes and other
things you don't really need? Aren't your needs at least as important as those
of people around you -- after all, if you don't take care of yourself, how can
you be there for the people you care about? How can you give your career and
work the attention it deserves, if you're not taking care of YOU?
One
of my clients told me she figured this out after having achieved a goal she had
worked towards for years -- she wanted to be making $100K a year in salary by
the time she was 30. She achieved that goal -- and then was surprised when she
realized she wasn't in the least bit happy about it, because that $100K came
with a hidden "price tag". She felt trapped in the job that was bringing her
all that money! There were some GOOD things going on in other areas of her
life, but the stress of staying in a job she hated was beginning to impact all
areas of her life, not to mention her sense of well-being. And at that point,
she decided to invest in working with me to help her clarify what she wanted to
create next in her life -- and she began to completely redefine what "success"
and "life quality" meant for her.
What are YOU doing to invest in
creating a LIFE, rather than investing in a "latte lifestyle"?
Are you doing the things and making the choices, moment by monent, that will be
the most meaningful in the long run?
Are you thinking, speaking, and acting
in ways that will help you support the things you say are a priority in your
life?
What do you need to do differently to create the LIFE you want, not
just the LIFESTYLE?
There
are lots of things you can do, starting today, to create a life rather than a
lifestyle. To begin with, you need to get clear on what is and is not working
for you in your life now. Look beyond the superficial "stuff" in your life -
the big house, the car, eating out at fancy restaurants, designer clothing -
all that is nice to have but that's a LIFESTYLE, it's not your LIFE. If you've
been working to get those things, and now that you've got them it's still not
enough, then you've learned a very important life lesson!
Start asking
yourself, what do I REALLY want? If I could be anything I want and do anything
I want with my life, if there were no obstacles of any kind -- what would I
want my life to stand for and who do I want to BE? That's a pretty powerful
question, one that will help you get to an answer that will be meaningful and
satisfying.
I often have my clients do an exercise called "I am
someone who". Get some paper and at the top, write "I am someone who". Then,
start writing your responses, focusing on the person you see yourself as, when
you are at your very BEST. You only get to focus on your GOOD qualities, not
all the other ones you beat yourself up about. If you get stuck, then focus on
writing down statements that describe the person you want to BECOME.
One thing to watch out for: stay away from responses that are about attaining
material things. This isn't about what you want to HAVE, it's about who you ARE
(your talents and strengths) and who you want to BE or BECOME.
Examples of the kind of statements you might include are:
-- I am someone
who takes the time to show other people they are important to me.
-- I am
someone who never lets defeat get me down.
-- I am someone who is really
good at making other people laugh.
-- I am someone who is excellent with
crunching the numbers.
-- I am someone who wants to be well traveled and
experience what other cultures have to teach me.
-- I am someone who wants
to reach out to other people and use my life for a meaningful purpose by [fill
in the blank with your particular talents or passion].
Focusing your
attention on "I am someone who" rather than "I want to get THIS" or "I want to
have THAT" or "I want to make X amount of money" causes you to put your
energies into creating a LIFE that will allow you to create the person you want
to become!
For permission to reprint this
article, please contact me.
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