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Living
Boldly® e-Zine Archives
Take a
Vacation -- Out of Your Comfort Zone!
May 16,
2003
Last week, I had the fun of participating in a very
innovative and unique event aboard a cruise ship, the Adonia, which hosted
several 3-day executive forums where top-level industry leaders from many
medium to large corporations are able to get together with their peers, to
network and exchange ideas, focus on professional development, and engage in
highly productive 1-on-1 meetings with vendors and suppliers. (If you read USA
Today on Friday May 9th, you probably saw a somewhat jaded and skewed article
about these events, which are in reality NOT your typical luxury cruises with
sunshine, warm breezes, pina coladas and limbo on the Lido deck with Gopher,
Julie, and Captain Stubing. What they are, are concentrated non-stop
productive-yet-exhausting working cruises to "no-where", anchored in foggy
weather somewhere off the coast of Atlantic City, New Jersey! No constant
eating at buffet lines - I even lost 3 lbs! The swimming pools and Jacuzzis
were empty. We had no sunshine, no warm breezes. Just lots of coffee and
cookies, and meeting after meeting, even at mealtimes.)
My role at
these conferences was to provide private executive life coaching sessions
focused on each executive's own personal or professional development - in other
words, an opportunity for the execs to spend an hour of quiet down-time and
reflection in an otherwise grueling and exhausting 3-day schedule of non-stop
business meetings. The executives, most of whom had never experienced coaching
before, raved about the value of the time spent in their coaching sessions, and
how the coaching process really gave them an opportunity to brainstorm,
strategize, and problem-solve in some area of their lives. (I observed, while
watching one woman's look of total panic when she was asked to turn off her
cell phone during the life-boat drill, that one of their biggest problems
seemed to be fear of being "out of touch" with what was going on back home and
at the office, since internet access was $22 a hour and not readily available,
and cell phone service on board was sporadic at best!)
When I was
first invited to provide executive coaching for these events, I was extremely
excited, to say the least! To be able to show up and simply do what I love to
do - COACH! - in a comfortable and attractive environment, all expenses paid;
getting to work with key decision makers in major corporations and making what
I hoped would be some excellent networking contacts; and having a bit of a fun
and novel experience at the same time - what's not to like, right?
Paradoxically, as the trip loomed closer, I began to get a little apprehensive,
too. In my pre-coaching career, I'd often worked with top executives on
technology projects in a strategic planning and support role, and had even
provided 1-on-1 training in some cases. I was never intimidated by working with
executives in the past, and generally enjoyed getting to work with dynamic
people who were making high-level decisions. Yet, here I was, about to have an
opportunity to meet and work with about two dozen or more business leaders over
the course of a week, and suddenly I was nervous!
What would these
executives expect of me? Would the problems and challenges they would bring to
their coaching sessions be things I would really help them with? Would I fit
in? Would they notice (or care) that I wasn't an executive myself? Could I be a
strong and effective coach for people at "that level" in business? Would I be
good enough?
For a couple of days, I made myself a little crazy with
these self-doubting questions. I knew I was a good coach for people in career
transition, and for small business owners, and for new coaches starting out -
the people I have been coaching for going on 7 years. When coaching those
clients, I was well within my own comfort zone, and I knew what I was capable
of and that I was effective in that arena. Now, here I was, about to embark on
a "cruise to nowhere" - but I realized what I was REALLY doing was going on a
journey away from my own Comfort Zone!
The Seductive Lure of The Comfort
Zone
Ah... and there it is: The lure of the Comfort Zone. That
place where we know where we stand. Where we know who we are and what we're
capable of doing and being. Where we don't have to expend a lot of energy
working hard, because we've already done it a thousand times before. Where we
know the rules, know the players, and can excel at the game. It's comfortable.
It's familiar. It's seductive. And sometimes, it's downright BORING, and
perhaps even making us fairly unhappy!
Certainly, the Comfort Zone is
where we often feel we can be at our best, mainly because it IS familiar and
we're used to how things work in that world. But, if we only stay in our
Comfort Zone, we never get to grow, to experience new things, and to find out
what we're really made of. Staying too long in the Comfort Zone is limiting,
confining and restricting. It's the place we long to leave - but at the same
time are often terrified of leaving, for some unknown destination.
For me, last week, leaving my own Comfort Zone meant putting myself in a new
situation, one that I knew would challenge my skills and abilities as a coach.
It meant coaching one executive after another, with very few breaks, people who
were complete strangers to me - and wanting each of them to walk away feeling
they had just had a powerful and valuable experience. It would mean stretching
myself socially, meeting literally dozens and perhaps even hundreds of new
people in the course of a week. Even for an extrovert like me, that's a LOT of
new people! I was even concerned about the prospects of getting sea-sick,
because I wanted to feel at my best and be able to focus on the task at hand.
Strategies for Leaving
the Comfort Zone
Once I realized that my anxiety was really ALL
about discomfort in leaving my Comfort Zone, I was able to come up with a
really good strategy for dealing with the discomfort. First, I set some clear
intentions for what I wanted to get out of the trip: (1) to realize that I
didn't have to be an expert in being an executive, I just had to be a coach;
(2) to understand that my job was not to impress, but to inspire, and to
connect rather than "perform"; (3) to remind myself that executives are just
regular people with regular fears, issues and problems; and (4) to have
everyone I coached be able to walk away feeling as if the coaching session
alone was completely worth the trip! By setting those intentions and being
clear on what I wanted to achieve, I was able to take the focus off myself and
my own anxieties.
Wow, did that ever shift my energy level! By the
time I walked aboard the Adonia on Sunday afternoon, I felt calm, confident,
and completely in control of myself, and I was able to relax and just do what I
do best. The coaching sessions were effortless (although I learned just how
physically tiring it can be to do that much face-to-face coaching, since I do
most of my coaching by phone!). I learned that I really could coach anyone, in
any situation, and do it extremely well -- coaching truly IS part of who I am
and a gift that I can share with others! And best of all, I noticed after the
first day that all of my intentions were right on target: no one was expecting
me to be an expert; I was connecting and inspiring, which felt terrific; I
learned that the executives I was coaching DID have "normal" problems and I was
well-equipped to coach them, just as they were; and I'm proud to say that the
feedback from everyone on their coaching experience was just overwhelmingly
positive!
Some
unexpected souvenirs from the trip
What did I get out of it?
Not the usual souvenirs, but some that were much more valuable. I got a huge
dose of CONFIDENCE, first and foremost. I learned that when I am willing to
leave the Comfort Zone and stretch in a new direction, I find out just what I'm
really made of, and sometimes I even amaze myself. I felt like the greatest
coach in the Universe! I also renewed my sense of how important my intuition is
to the coaching process, by having to coach people without knowing anything
about them. And I also rediscovered just how magic coaching really is, by
watching people get an "a-ha", a moment when some kind of internal light goes
on and they "get it" and are able to see a clear path to what they want.
Each time I successfully leave the Comfort Zone, I find that it gets
easier and easier, too. I find that I get more comfortable with being
Uncomfortable so that I can learn and grow and stretch. I know that I won't be
uncomfortable for very long, because just as when exercising a new muscle,
after awhile it grows stronger, so do I become a stronger person for being
willing to stretch out of my Comfort Zone. And I find that I become more
willing to even seek out situations that force me to take these periodic
"vacations" from being too comfortable, that I even look forward to them,
because I become so excited about what I will discover on the other side of the
journey!
Living Boldly in Action
In what
areas of your life do you need to plan your own little vacation away from your
personal comfort zone?
1. Think of at least 3 things you have really
been wanting to do, DREAMING of doing, but have been putting off in your life.
Write them down.
2. For each of these things, take a few minutes and
reflect on why, REALLY, you have been putting them off or avoiding them. You
will probably start out with the usual excuses: no time, no money, no one to do
them with, etc. What it will come down to, if you're being honest, is that on
some level, doing it will require you to make some changes that are probably
not that comfortable for you in some way. Write down what those changes, or
steps, would be.
3. Next, start taking action! Decide that it's OK to be
uncomfortable and take the actions anyway.
You won't get what you want
in life if you aren't willing to be a little bold, to stretch out of your
comfort zone long enough to get to the next level in your life! Dare to be
uncomfortable!
For permission to reprint this
article, please contact me.
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