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Living
Boldly® e-Zine Archives
It's
April - No Foolin'!
April 01, 2003
Ah, April at last. Spring is here. Well, sort of. We're having a light snow
shower here in New Jersey today - guess that's Nature's little April Fool's
joke on us! Although I don't know the history behind why the first of April is
known as the "Fool's Day" (if you know, feel free to email me), I got thinking
about some of the ways we sometimes fool OURSELVES, and how it can get in the
way of our success.
We fool ourselves when we aren't willing to admit
what we truly desire in life. If you can't admit your dream, even to yourself,
how will you ever hope to achieve it?
We fool ourselves when we
pretend we're happy in a situation that is making us miserable. If you are
tolerating something that is truly making you unhappy, you may think you're
fooling the world, but you're really only fooling YOU.
We fool
ourselves when we aren't living authentically. If you aren't living your life
in such a way that you are fully expressing who and what you are, then you're
living a lie.
We fool ourselves when we don't believe in our own
self-worth and value. If you put yourself down and engage in negative
self-talk, if you can't accept a compliment or someone else acknowledging you
for your talents, then you are fooling yourself into being less than you could
be.
We fool ourselves when we do more to please everyone around us
than to please ourselves. If you are a people-pleaser and don't like anyone to
be mad or upset with you, then you are probably living someone else's life, not
your own.
We fool ourselves when we SAY we will do something but we
don't follow through. Most of us are pretty good at following through when we
make a promise to someone else, but what about what you've promised YOURSELF?
If you say you are going to do or be something, but your actions are not
consistent with your words, then you're letting YOU down.
We fool
ourselves when we spend money we don't have so we can appear affluent. If you
are caught in a cycle of spending more than you've got on material things that
help you create the "right image", you may be fooling other people but your
credit card balances don't lie.
And, we fool ourselves when we aren't
willing to look deeper at ourselves to uncover the real truth behind what we're
doing (or not doing) that is keeping us stuck.
The ways in which we
can fool ourselves are numerous, and we can get very good at it, too.
Sometimes, we may not even be aware of the ways we try to pull the wool over
our own eyes. A good way to tell if you've been fooling yourself without
knowing it, is to look at any area of your life where you are:
-- blaming
someone or something else for what isn't going right in your life;
--
beating yourself up about, or making a lot of lame excuses (c'mon, YOU know
they're lame!) for, something you think you "should" have done, but
haven't;
-- wasting your time, money or energy doing things that don't
support your dreams and goals.
Here are just a few examples of how
people truly can fool themselves:
-- Jeff, a part-time business owner,
says he wants to take his business full time. He claims he's "truly motivated"
and has a very compelling reason for wanting to succeed. He says he's miserable
in his "day job". Yet he spends his free time watching TV, playing computer
games, or "resting" on the couch in the evenings and on weekends instead of
spending his time trying to grow his business. When you ask Jeff why the
business isn't growing, he is a pro at making excuses about not having "enough
time", and it's clear he truly believes the excuses he's dishing out. How is
Jeff fooling himself? In several ways: (1) he's not taking the right actions to
support what he says he wants. If he were truly motivated he'd be acting on
that motivation; (2) although he may have a demanding day job, he's clearly
mis-using some of his free time. The business won't grow all by itself, it
requires his energy and attention!
-- Sandra, an at-home mother of 3,
complains about her neighbors (who happen to work outside the home) taking
advantage of her "good nature" by asking her to do favors for them because
she's "home all day". They ask her to run errands, to dog-sit, to let the
repairman in when they're not home. With 3 young children, a husband who
travels a lot for his job, and a household to manage, Sandra has little time
for herself as it is, so these little favors play havoc with Sandra's daily
life and cause her to feel a lot of resentment. But, Sandra also feels she has
to be nice and accommodating, and she wants to be thought of as a good
neighbor, so she says Yes to these favors even when doing so creates some major
challenges with her own schedule. How is Sandra fooling herself? She is (1)
blaming the neighbors for their asking for favors when it is really Sandra
herself who has to take control and set some boundaries; and she is (2) so
caught up in people-pleasing that she is short-changing her own needs. In fact,
she may not even have (3) admitted what she really wants in her own life or (4)
she may not believe enough in the value of her own time!
When we fool
ourselves, kid ourselves, or flat out lie to ourselves, who is really the one
who is being hurt by that? WE are! It takes a HUGE amount of energy to keep up
the pretense! But often, other people are being negatively affected as well. If
we aren't living authentically, not telling the complete truth, not making
choices that are in alignment with what we really want, not taking the right
actions to support our dreams - then the people around us are not getting the
very best of us, either!
In fact, you might say that we not only owe
it to ourselves, but we owe it to those we love, respect and care about to stop
fooling ourselves (and them) by living a life that is not completely authentic.
Start today to notice the ways you've been fooling yourself and those
around you. I can pretty much guarantee that while it might be a little painful
to "come clean" with yourself about this, in the long run your life will be
less stressful, you'll waste less time and energy, and get much more
satisfaction out of your life.
Living Boldly in Action
How are
YOU fooling YOUR self?
To honor "April Fool's Day", make a list of all
the ways you have been fooling yourself. Then, make April the month when you
commit to stop fooling around and fooling yourself. Look at your list and come
up with a strategy for handling each and every item by the end of the month.
Call it your "No Foolin' Project"! Take this assignment seriously, follow
through on it - and watch how much better you feel about your life by May 1st!
For permission to reprint this article, please
contact me.
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